Change, is a Whore!
Well, after reading that headline, I bet you are all buckling your seatbelts for a wild read. But I needed something to grab your attention, so I thought I would say "Whore".
Before I get into anything else, let me congratulate Azrael75 on this weeks winning caption..."Nemo tastes better dipped in batter and deepfried.". Although I was holding a hunk of Steak, this caption still had what it takes to claim victory. Congrats Azrael, if you email me your info, I will get your "Got Shocker?" sticker right in the mail.
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Now I want to talk a little about "Change". No, not the kind that jingles in your right pocket when you are scratching your giblets, but the change that affects how you go about your daily life.
Take this as a example:
You wake up in the morning to an alarm clock radio, that is set to blast "The Howard Stern Show" into your left ear (seeing that you sleep mainly on your stomach, and on the right side on a Queen sized bed). You hit the snooze button 4 times, then talk to your lady while she drives to work. You finally drag you stark naked ass out of bed and into the bathroom for a healthy morning dump. You can barely keep your eyes open as you brush your teeth and wash your face. You nudely (Nudely, is that a word?) stumble into the spare bedroom where your clothes are kept, and pick out something fashionable to wear. You turn the iron on, then commence with the Boxer briefs and Socks, once they are in place, you make a quick pose or two in the full sized mirror on the closet door, and you promtly fix the 3 or 4 chest hairs that look out of place. After giving yourself a wink and a thumbs up for the pose down, you begin ironing your outfit. Wrinkle-free and Bald, is the look you have chosen for your work day, not a bad choice by the way (more winks and thumbs up in the mirror, followed by a quick turn around to see how my ass looks in these khakis). After running the dog outside, you go through the pair of pants you wore yesterday to retrieve all you essential items for your day (such as...cardholder, cash, pocketknife, breathmints, change: the jingley kind, businesscard holder, and keys). Off to the kitchen for a quick swig of a drink, grab something for lunch (unless you want chinese that day), sling your bag over your shoulder and head for the door.
After your commute of "Redlight/Greenlight, get the F outta my F'ing way old Man"
You get to work and say hello to all that you pass by. Then head straight for you office to drop your bag. After the short walk to the lunch room, to prepare your breakfast (usually consisting of Frosted Flakes or Shredded Wheat or Cocoa Krispies). You take your bowl of happiness back to your office and enjoy it while listening to even more Stern Show. You finish up and clean your bowl, then head up front to see whats on tap for the day. You work the rest of the day with many things happening.
- Now, you see how we do things fairly similar everyday. What happens if the something changes? What if your routine needs adjusted without you wanting to? What if you show up to work one day and find your precious cereal time has been taken away? What would you do? Stop at Sheetz and grab a "Shmisquit"?
Well thats what I had to do today, because for the next few days I am the only Sales Consultant on the floor here at work. We had a guy fired/quit yesterday (on his day off), so I had to work on my day off, and on top of that I didn't have time for my yum-a-dum-dums! So now I am suffering the heartburn of a "Shmisquit", ain't that a Bitch! I hope it passes cause I feel like guzzling 2 quarts of Pepto!
Change, is a Whore-
Patrick "Fire Chest" Elston
Before I get into anything else, let me congratulate Azrael75 on this weeks winning caption..."Nemo tastes better dipped in batter and deepfried.". Although I was holding a hunk of Steak, this caption still had what it takes to claim victory. Congrats Azrael, if you email me your info, I will get your "Got Shocker?" sticker right in the mail.
--------------------
Now I want to talk a little about "Change". No, not the kind that jingles in your right pocket when you are scratching your giblets, but the change that affects how you go about your daily life.
Take this as a example:
You wake up in the morning to an alarm clock radio, that is set to blast "The Howard Stern Show" into your left ear (seeing that you sleep mainly on your stomach, and on the right side on a Queen sized bed). You hit the snooze button 4 times, then talk to your lady while she drives to work. You finally drag you stark naked ass out of bed and into the bathroom for a healthy morning dump. You can barely keep your eyes open as you brush your teeth and wash your face. You nudely (Nudely, is that a word?) stumble into the spare bedroom where your clothes are kept, and pick out something fashionable to wear. You turn the iron on, then commence with the Boxer briefs and Socks, once they are in place, you make a quick pose or two in the full sized mirror on the closet door, and you promtly fix the 3 or 4 chest hairs that look out of place. After giving yourself a wink and a thumbs up for the pose down, you begin ironing your outfit. Wrinkle-free and Bald, is the look you have chosen for your work day, not a bad choice by the way (more winks and thumbs up in the mirror, followed by a quick turn around to see how my ass looks in these khakis). After running the dog outside, you go through the pair of pants you wore yesterday to retrieve all you essential items for your day (such as...cardholder, cash, pocketknife, breathmints, change: the jingley kind, businesscard holder, and keys). Off to the kitchen for a quick swig of a drink, grab something for lunch (unless you want chinese that day), sling your bag over your shoulder and head for the door.
After your commute of "Redlight/Greenlight, get the F outta my F'ing way old Man"
You get to work and say hello to all that you pass by. Then head straight for you office to drop your bag. After the short walk to the lunch room, to prepare your breakfast (usually consisting of Frosted Flakes or Shredded Wheat or Cocoa Krispies). You take your bowl of happiness back to your office and enjoy it while listening to even more Stern Show. You finish up and clean your bowl, then head up front to see whats on tap for the day. You work the rest of the day with many things happening.
- Now, you see how we do things fairly similar everyday. What happens if the something changes? What if your routine needs adjusted without you wanting to? What if you show up to work one day and find your precious cereal time has been taken away? What would you do? Stop at Sheetz and grab a "Shmisquit"?
Well thats what I had to do today, because for the next few days I am the only Sales Consultant on the floor here at work. We had a guy fired/quit yesterday (on his day off), so I had to work on my day off, and on top of that I didn't have time for my yum-a-dum-dums! So now I am suffering the heartburn of a "Shmisquit", ain't that a Bitch! I hope it passes cause I feel like guzzling 2 quarts of Pepto!
Change, is a Whore-
Patrick "Fire Chest" Elston
posted by Patrick at
11:50 AM
3 Comments:
Hi Patrick! Thanks for being the first person ever to leave a comment on my newly minted blog.
Thanks for making my day, I know...you just left a comment, but for being the first person to actually read what I wrote, it means a lot.
For that, I will add your link to my blog.
By
Tigrrr, at 15/9/05 12:23 PM
Holy Hell, I am on a roll! I have made at least 2 peoples day today. My Mom always said "You have the Gift, Boy". But I always thought my "Gift" was for making penis puppets, not making peoples day?
You learn something new every day.
Also, when leaving a comment, I have started "Word Verification", cause I was having some spam problems (which you may have never noticed, cause I attack them with great veangance and furious anger! So when leaving a comment, just type the letters that you see in the space below...easy as 12359.
By
Patrick, at 15/9/05 3:12 PM
Pat. Sorry to hear you have to change up your routine. I also know what you are going through as I have the same routine. When Kelly has to work on Saturday with me, I only can afford to look at myself for about 10 sec. rather than my 10 min. Life is like a box of chocolates,you never know when your going to bite into some nuts. If you need help selling cars, I will help. You bring in a tank and I'll sell the F,ing thing.
By
Anonymous, at 17/9/05 10:28 AM
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