El Mustafah!

Well people, about a week or two ago I mentioned that I would like to talk about Mustaches. I am about ready to do it, so put your fuzzy seatbelt on!
I would like to start with a Mustache Haiku I came across.
-Hairs of man that hang Tufted,
thick as a narwhal's
Tender baleen sieve-

Well, that was boring...let's move on! Now I have nothing personal againt the Mustached Man (or woman in some cases), honestly some of the coolest folks I know sport a Stache. But I don't get it? What are you trying to cover up? Let that upper lip fly!

Let's get some history, how bout it?
In 1800 BC, the Pharaoh Teqikencola outlawed mustaches among the elite of Egyptian society; hence the inevitable decline of his nation's empire. The countryside became overrun by mustachioed bandits and foreigners who gathered popular support among the population who could not afford the expense (and bother) of shaving to please the Pharaoh.

Greeks and Romans were also anti-mustache. And, as is well known, their empires are no longer with us. Both empires collapsed, as hordes of hairy-upper-lipped barbarians trashed these centers of so-called civilization.

In Asia, mustaches have always been seen as sign of wisdom among the men (not the women, curiously) who wore them. Confucius is always depicted with long, fine streams of perfect hair emanating from the corners of his perpetual wry smile. It was he who said, "A man without a mustache is man without a soul." Buddha wore a tight, fashionable mustache and is widely believed to be among the holiest men who ever walked the earth.

The Middle Ages were replete with mustaches. Charlamagne championed them. His great victory over the Moors celebrated in the "Song of Roland" was widely believed to be a battle over whose mustache style would prevail in Europe. Charlamagne's supporters preferred the more free-form style, while the Muslim-inspired mustaches of the Moors were highly stylized and beyond the European barbers' capabilities of the time.

The French have never made up their minds about mustaches. They're in. They're out. Clemenceau sported one, as did Louis XIV, but Henry V did not. Proust had one, but Sartre and Camus eschewed them. The British were likewise of two minds on the matter. The most famous mustache in English history is the one Winston Churchill could not grow. This fact made him a manic depressive, turned him into a drunk, and probably derailed him from his rightful place in history as a well-known ship's captain in His Majesty's Navy. The Germans took mustaches to extremes. Hitler and Himmler wore mustaches that tried not to be mustaches. But they knew if they were to hold sway over the mustache-crazy Aryans, they had to grow something. Hence, those pissy little bits of hair above their lips. Now Bismarck had a mustache.

In the United States, mustaches have been prevalent in politics and history throughout. Lincoln grew a mustache while he wrote the Gettysburg Address and General Grant had one as he kicked Confederate butt at Vicksburg. In fact, anything in American history with "burg" in it usually involved a mustache.

Well I just dropped some Mustache Knowledge on your Ass, but enough history, this isn't school, this is www.doubleout.com! Speaking of School, how cool would this Bumper Sticker be "My mustache beat up your Honor Student". Take a look at Tom's picture at the top of this post, if he can shave his off, so can you! Try it...cause it's probably been since the 9th grade that your top lip got a chance to shine! You might even get a little more action from the ladies, cause no matter what they tell you, they hate that scratchy feeling you give them when you kiss em'.
Viva la Upper Lip!

Now for "Friday's, what the Hell is that" game!

Okay kids, thanks again for stopping by my little slice of heaven! Leave a comment with your guess as to what the picture could be, or leave a comment about the Mustache Lesson I laid on you.

See you soon-
Patrick